this piping silence . [original poem]

i sit here begging my conscience for a drink
so i cant think
about this
about YOU--true..
you weren't completely mine
but in time maybe
maybe we would be--
thats all i came up with in this
PIPING loud silence
shut up silence !
stop telling me what i already know
i know--i love him .
is that so much ?
no--the silence is still so loud
im begging my conscience again
for a smoke
for a drink
so i can't think--
about this overwhelmingly loud silence
stop silence !
i already know im lonely .

-essence .