new man. . .gunna tell you info later............wedding bells ?

so....

i lost the baby . the end .

like i said before, imma go head and do the navy thang thang ! i measure up ! im surprised, but tis tru . im excited, but tlking to my recruiter isnt gunna be so easy..hmph !

i miss vendo and i dunno why . thats the truth and im not gunna lie . sometimes i find myself going on his page and just staring at him . hmmmmm :) but everything happen and doesnt happen for a reason *kanye shrug*

tlk to this later .

-essence .

soooo ....

IM PREGNANT .


-essence

im baaaaaaaaaaaaack !

so out of my deep distress with this hectic life of mine, i decided to finish my navy path ! yepp, im going to go head and enlist in the navyyy .

haha , im more focused now and i figure why not . im starting a partial liquid diet today and its gonna be hell . im ready tho ! i feel like theres a point where i have to let go of all the bullshit im used to and get down to the nitty gritty .

$$$ isnt looking like i want it to and it hurts bc im used to having money and everything else i want, but i believe God is showing me that everything in life isnt gunna be as easy as my mama and everyone else around me has made it seem .

im suchh an open book right now . i might be pregnant and that reality sucks . not saying i dnt ever want a child, but right now isnt the right time :-/

i miss how easy things used to be, but its really crunch time now.


-essence .

losing it .

im losing everything i want . but i guess everything will fall into place when it needs to .

smh .



-essence .

arguments, aggh .

SO all the shit i knew would become stressful came to a head in the last couple dayss . me and vendo had our first argument and me and my mama had another argument out of our many .

january is gunna bring A LOT of mixed feelings and unshared emotions when it comes down to me and vendo's relationship and the overall outcome of it . im scared . i care about him deeply and it seems that every time i turn around these stupid ass exes of his or females who 'like' him have some kind of supposed dirt to put on my name . i hate that shit . it makes me feel as though i have to fight the world to be with him--and that just might be the case . hell, idk . i care so much about him, but i feel as though i might NEVER be 'girlfriend' and im trying not to tell myself not to be so stuck on a title because titles are what kills the best of relationships....hmm . idk . he's so secretive with his emotions it sometimes scares me .

my mama is starting to bxtch...and its not bc she's tryna be spiteful, its because she's gunna miss me so much when i leave ......i see her ! she thinks i dnt see the truth but i do . and this awkward strain is doing nothing to help me try to get thru these next two monthes here . hmmm .

so much on my mind, and so little time to clear it up . God please show me the way .

-essence .

cold outside .

its cold outside

but on the inside— you give me

the warmest

the calmest

feeling i should never have

i dnt deserve you but yet i have you

and as i stare up at you

moon reflecting in your eyes

all i see is magic

magically putting me in a rapture

the words smoothly slip off my tongue

and my tongue connect with yours

and what else can God have in store ?

bc i desperately need to know

what did i do to deserve

your kisses

your touch

the way you look at me

the intimacy

the honesty

the you

the me

and now the WE .

halloween O9 .

so halloween was fuuun . me and my sister/bff myka wen tot statesboro to hit up some parties and shit...but OF COURSE some kinda drama had to pop off .

so when i went to statesboro i almost fought myka's ex's new gf...so this time i was wid myka and she made it a point to come to where we was staying with three fat bxtchz who myka bout cussed out and we made an amazing, classy exit that fckd things up with her ex and his new gf and made him look bad .

but overall it was greeeaaat . i missed luvendo the whoel time tho....but here's some pics !







-essence .