so luvendo is amazing . we spend a lot of time together, but we had a discussion last night about making it official, and for the first time--im not the one thats not ready....wow . i have to respect his honesty, but im not going to lie and say that im not a tad bit hurt by it, because i wouldnt do anything to hurt him . i mean, its been a month and i cnt believe how close we are . haha . arguing like a old married couple...i can see us being that, but he doesnt like to talkk about possbilities bc he doesnt want it to fall apart and it never happes...i guess i understand where he's coming from...
but today, we had one of the realest conversations......about having children . it was me, him, and his best friend henry . and all of us admitted to wanting a child now to see what it would be like, but we also agreed we werent ready . i based my readiness on selfishness...because im always on the go and a child would end that . henry based his on the fact that he wanted to get his party on before all that happened...haha . but to my deep surprise luvendo based his on sincere love . he said he didnt need a child right now because he could be the best father with his feet more stably on the ground...he also said that he didnt want to deprive his child or children bc he was . this simple explanation mad me look at him totally differently....
i wont lie and say the whole time e've been spending time i've never thought about having children with him, because i do that with every male i've been with...but when i thought about it regarding him, i thought about it more than just how my child would look or superficial entities...i actually thought about how his parenting would affect the child...and if God crossed or paths to have a child then i'd gladly fufill destiny.
im not jumping to conclusions too soon, im just sayn. God sent him for a reason-- and my curiosity wants to know why .
-essence .
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